So part of me is ashamed to admit it, but I've found myself tuning in to several episodes of a new VH1 reality show called "Tough Love." If you know nothing about this show, it is basically about single women who are being "coached" by a male matchmaker on how to understand guys and be more successful in dating. Although some of the women on the show have their own extreme issues going on (otherwise what would make it compelling reality television??), as a 28-year-old single female I find some of the perspectives of this matchmaker interesting (even though he seems to be a major TOOL at times).
During the most recent episode, a very nice 39-year-old woman is on a third date with this guy she really seemed to be clicking with. And then the night turned bad, because he asked a question that (based on his recorded feedback later) he thought was an "obvious" question to ask...."why are you still single?" I think that I had the same reaction that this woman had, which was complete bafflement (ok...not sure that's a word but you know what I mean)!
I actually remember being asked this question by a guy (who I dated very short term...maybe for obvious reasons) about four years ago and I wondered, "How could anyone answer this question?"...and I was only 24 at the time! I find it astounding that people can jump so quickly to the conclusion that there must be something wrong with a person if they are still single. (And in the very few cases where this is true...what makes someone think that the person has any clue what it is because otherwise they would've likely fixed it.) I almost find it offensive! I know so many beautiful, sweet women with amazing personalities that are still single and of a variety of ages....and the same question comes into my head yet it comes from a different angle....where are all the men who will treat these women with love and respect?
I feel that its just another example of inequality and gender expectations...since I question whether anyone knows a single man who has been asked this question in the serious manner that it has been posed to women.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Ignorant questions
Posted by lovinair at 10:33 AM
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2 comments:
oh geez! did the host say anything about this dude's questions to the lady?
he actually did...and it made him less douche-like. he told her that she was doing everything right with this guy and that this guy just thinks she's too good to be true and is trying to figure out if there is something wrong with her because of that. he seemed really genuine which was nice.
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